December 20th, 2010
Today I look a day over 40. Why? I am! Yesterday was my Big 4-0! Woot! Okay, enough joking around…
I’m more vain than I care to admit. A lot of whether or not I’m happy any given minute depends on how I feel I look physically. I’m not proud of it, but I’m not alone. With time I become much more accepting of my physical self, but I have a long way to go. Part of my problem is that I chose a profession with an element to it wherein my would-be “clients” shop with their eyes. So my love of good health and how to help others attain it has sort of shot me in the foot a little there with regard to where I wrap my self-esteem. I’m dealing with that in many ways. Aging helps and hinders the process, but it seems to be a forward-moving process, thankfully. And most who spend 5 minutes or more with me realize that I know what I’m talking about, thereby (I think) being less concerned with my physical imperfections. Assuming they were in the first place. Most of the time, I get a “Wow, you look great for 40!” so I think most of this is (and was and will be) of my own creation. Ironic considering how many would be surprised to how nonjudgmental I am of that sort of thing when it comes to other folks.
I gave up on perfect a long time ago. If we’re talking just about physical appearance, I looked about as perfect as I was ever going to look just a few years ago. I felt great about myself, much more confident. But that time period also put me in close contact with other women who were SO wrapped up in their physical appearance, that: a) They never looked good enough; b) There was nothing else to them. And how could there be? I know that for that brief blip on my 40 year screen, the extreme effort it took with nutrition and training to (naturally) achieve that extreme of a look felt like a part-time job. It was hard to foster any relationship unless it was with someone who shared the same pursuit at the time, or maintain an interest in something other than asparagus and interval cardio. Needless to say, it was not the time to take up a hobby. Unless you consider trying not to be a social leper at special events a “hobby”.
My first physique show. When I had the thought: "I love you, Honey, but I'd sell you for a cookie right now", I knew this would not be a long-term activity for me.
One thing that has really helped me embrace the “me” that’s more than the meat suit within which my spirit is housed is delving into interests beyond fitness. This year, for example, I’ve taken sewing lessons and I’ve even been painting with friends, something I can’t wait to do again! I’ve been much more social and I’m sinking my teeth into another aspect of my career—segueing it into something that will enable me to help people improve their health on a much deeper level. Not only will that stimulate my brain—something I need—but it will indirectly help me with my own psychosis, reinforcing to me that optimal (dare I say “radical”?) health goes way beyond one’s dress size or eyelash length. So in big and small ways, artsy-craftsy or extra-intellectual, I’m moving beyond what I see in the mirror. And where I work I’m quite literally surrounded by mirrors, so that’s no small feat.
Pillowcase I made for my hubs in sewing class. Hopefully that makes up for the sell-you-for-a-cookie thing...
Does this mean I’m packing it in to search for meaning outside of my bod? No, of course not. Without a really healthy physiology, how in the heck am I going to feel well, think well, function well—all necessary things for having the time, desire, and aptitude to do things outside of fitness activities. It just means I’ll care a little less about how I look while I’m doing them. If you are at all like me, I suggest reaching beyond what’s apparent to the naked eye, and realize that it’s okay to be a dynamic person devoting time and energy to varied interests. And that it’s not ALL about looking good… naked.
Picture I painted at Sips 'n Strokes with some great gal pals. It's "perfectly imperfect". (The "sips" part helps with its appearance. 
)
Tags: healthy attitude, self-image
Happy Birthday, Gorgeous!